It's been a really, really tough transition these past couple of months. First starting with one boy.
Which, by the way, I will never truly understand the thought process of a man.
I went out one night with friends when I got a message on Twitter from a guy saying something along the lines of "I think you're so beautiful and you seem really cool and we should hang out sometime" and all that. To which I replied, "That's so nice of you to say, but I'm not really looking to date or anything."
Which, naturally, he "wasn't looking to date" but "just wanted to hang out." Okay, sure. We have mutual friends. YOLO, right?
Well of course, that turned into us hanging out for a few weeks, him inviting me to his military ball, and me developing feelings (which I am really bad at saying "no" to). To, in which, one day, I get this dreaded text:
"Hey, don't take this the wrong way, but I really need to work on myself before I can be with anybody else right now. You've been so good to me and I like you a lot but I just need to do me for a while."
Which:
a) sucks dick.
b) yeah, I have been good to you. I offer to order you lunch when you forget it, cook you dinner, and encourage you to go hang out with your friends.
c) Hmph. You like me a lot but don't want anything to do with me anymore?
And because I am such an idiot, I went to his work on Saturday night at 1 am, stayed till 4 am, texted him until 8 am, and went to see him at 10 am when he got home (with a bagel, because he loves those). To, in which, he hasn't spoken to me since. He said we'd hang out the following weekend. Still hasn't called.
So, instead, that Sunday, I got an offer to go on a date with a different guy. And me, with my YOLO attitude, said why the hell not. Now, onto guy #2.
Now before I move onto guy #2, I should say this. Guy #1 had no drive. No goals. When I asked myself, "Would you marry this man?" I would say "uhhhhhh maybe."
Guy #2. Ask me the same question. I'd say "yes. Tomorrow."
He's a marine, a firefighter, a businessman, a skydiver, and Italian. And for some reason, he wanted to go on a date with me.
Sunday: We went to the cider mill. He came and picked me up (say WHAT - chivalry isn't dead?) and shook my dad's hand. I hate living with my parents. We sat at the mill for a couple of hours and talked about everything. Family, nephews, exes and how big of idiots each of them are... Then we went to Plymouth and had dinner. No kiss, no hug goodbye... But great.
Tuesday: We met for dinner in Dearborn after a long day at the office for the both of us. He walked me to my car afterwards, and lucky me got three goodbye kisses. I was on cloud nine.
Friday: We went to dinner again and rented a RedBox to watch at his place. We wound up snuggling on the couch that lead to me telling him I liked him. He asked me to stay the night with him, so I did. (Can you see how much I enjoyed this guy?) I woke up the following morning with a feeling I had not had in nearly five months - waking up next to somebody. The feeling is indescribable.
Saturday: I picked him up from a party at 3 am. I probably shouldn't have, but I did anyways. Because it was so late, he asked me to stay with him again. So, I did.
Sunday: He took me to a barbeque that his big group of friends were having. Introduce me to your friends? Wow, you must like me too.
Tuesday: He came over for dinner and to carve pumpkins with me. Mind you, I have not been to a cider mill or carved pumpkins or done any kind of cute Halloween stuff like that in at least 8 years. This was amazing.
Wednesday: I was in his area and he had literally no food in his fridge. Me being the nicest, selfless person on the planet, I offered to bring him food. So I did. He was watching Wreck It Ralph and offered me a pair of sweatpants and a place next to him on the couch. I accepted.
Friday: Here's the doozy. After asking if I wanted to go a Halloween party with him (in which I already went out and bought all of the stuff for a costume), I went home from work, took a nap, and called him at 8. I hadn't talked to him all day - no morning text or anything about him complaining about how it's Friday and how he just wants to go home (like normal). At 8, he answered his phone and told me he would let me know about the party and would call me back. At 9, I still didn't hear anything, so I called him back. No answer.
It's Sunday. Still haven't talked to him. His phone works because he has Instagrammed photos of the two Halloween parties he went to over the weekend.
As you can imagine, I'm a little heartbroken. And in the words of a dear friend of mine, it's not because I'm being a baby and am sad about a guy not liking me.
"It's not about the boy. It's about you."
Which it is. It's about me. And my feelings. I have so much to offer and am so good to everybody... And what I get in return is somebody literally just dropping me like I never happened to them.
The exact same thing happened with my ex. Except it was more about him, too. But the fact that he could go behind my back, tell another girl he loved her and wanted to be with her, and also flirt with other girls,... How could you just drop my out of your mind and your conscience and forget about me, when I'm so good to you?
Every girl just wants to feel important. Like they belong to somebody and that somebody is thinking of them. Every girl just wants to feel loved.
